When it comes to describing children, normal is a huge range. They take a bazillion children, find the average number that hit milestones, at what age, and boom- Normal. At this rate 'normal' should be a synonym for 'average', right? Let talk about the kids who hit above the normal mark. Are they exceptional? Will they always be above that normal range? Do we as parents get a moment to relax, breath and brag because we are 'doing it right'? This leads us to the children who fall in just under. Where does that leave them? Where does that leave their parents? Worried, stressed, and pushing their kid? Or defeated, frustrated and disappointed? It really makes you wonder what life was like before we had this 'normal/average' for parents. Expectations had to be different, if only because they didn't know any better. And I say 'didn't know any better' in a very positive way.
Daniel always hit his milestones early. Teeth- early. Rolling over- early. Walking- early. I could go on and on, and trust me I did! My baby was exceptional! We were way over that 'normal' range and proud to share with anyone who would listen. I don't know at what point I stopped looking at the Normal Curve that we as parents go by. Maybe once he started walking, I always felt like that was the last big milestone, and everything would just fall into place after.
Now I look at Daniels actions and wonder, is that normal? Or is that because he is autistic? Don't all two year old children throw tantrums? I know they do, but is it the same? I assume it is easier for Sally Noname and her two year old. Her daughter fits in the normal spectrum. Sure little Sally Jr. throws a rant, but is it every single time the door is opened? Is it to the same extent as with Daniel? In the moments, the many, many moments I am dragging him away from our kitchen door I think it is impossible that anyone else would have to do this with their child. Other parents don't come and go through the kitchen window to simply avoid meltdown number 4 when it is only 10 am. Then again, I could be wrong, it could all be very normal. I mean average. No, wait, normal?
So this is what happens in my brain during the day now. Watching Daniel and wondering if what he is doing is normal for his age. Why? Normal or not, he is going to do what he does. If my sons time at breakfast fits into some neat little box that I can label 'Average Behavior' how does that change our day? Simply put- it doesn't. I don't want to be misunderstood here, it's not a comparison of Daniel and Sally Jr. but just a basic understanding of what this average is. For some reason it is important for me to know what is autistic, and what is just the terrible twos. I want to know what he will grow out of, and what I need to adjust in my life to accept. Only time will tell me that, not some government approved study that set the standard for normal.
Besides, don't we all want to strive for above average? And if not us, then at least our children?
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