In the weeks following 'The Diagnosis' life was better and life was worse. Finally we had answers! But with all the answers came little realizations throughout the day. Daniels behavior was clearer now, and the more I watched, the more I saw. It was like seeing my child with new glasses, and I really really hate this prescription. Just because we had a diagnosis didn't mean I accepted it. When Daniel bangs his head on the floor, I get angry. When Daniel spins and spins over and over just to feel something, I get angry. When Daniel makes that noise, the one that clearly screams autism, a cough/grunt/yell, I get furious. Not at him, at... nothing really, just angry.
I can do this though. Just stop him from doing those things. Easy enough. If I can't see it on the outside, then it's not there anymore, right?
Fast forward 3 days.
The problem is I can't stop him from doing these things. He can't stop himself from doing these things. His mom being angry, even if its not directed at him, doesn't help. So where do I go from here?
The answer my friend is the Library. So now begins the fight. The fight for my son to do better. For me to do better. I will learn all I can about Autism and in the end be the mom Daniel diserves.
At least with this goal I don't feel so lost.
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