I am still in the process of absorbing this new life. I have this horrible habit of forgetting that this is all real. Even though my life is consumed by it- books, phone calls, fighting with the insurance company and paperwork.
Cooking dinner I wonder to myself why my eyes are sore, or why I have this heavy feeling in my chest. I look over to see why Daniel is so quiet, because that can lead to disaster, and notice he is placing his cars one by one from the living room to the middle of the kitchen floor. I smile at my son, thankful that they are all over the place, rather than the usual neat little rows he so obsessively lines them in. Then I remember why the heaviness is there and wonder how many people would look at Daniel and think nothing of this small action.
I rejoice in these times. These little things. I cling to them and hold them precious, adding them one by one to a growing list in my brain. A list of why the Doctors are wrong, a list I run to when Daniel is having a 'Bad Day'. A list of things and behaviors that I used to think were nothing. It's my Not Nothing list.
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